Hangman too

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“Hello Nigerian su..”

“This wasn’t supposed to end this way, this is hangman and you can to tell it to the world. The mask is off.”

“They’re afraid of me, I don’t blame them, with time I’ve come to fear myself also. Oh my, I must confess I don’t feel right deep inside, I feel like I need to hide, everyones wondering why I get high, see it’s because I can’t fight the weakness inside. Sometimes I can’t get her out of my mind, maybe I just won’t find, maybe I just can’t find, another beautiful state of mind. Sometimes everydays right on time, but right now in my mind it feels like I’m living on borrowed time. So what now? What advice can you give me?”

“What advice can i give humanity?”

“I suppose so.”

“Live your life, don’t waste your days on the negative energy of others. Remember that you’re not your salary, you’re not your house, nor your car and no matter how big your house is, your grave is 6 foot under, just like everyone else’s. So enjoy the days you’ve, worry not about the days that have gone before you, nor the ones that will follow in your death. Remember that right here in this moment is all you’re guaranteed, and the fact that you’re living is what life is all about. So live your life to the fullest, according to the happiness and the betterment of all. Live for God, he’s the only one that genuinely loves you. I see the way you kill yourself for these people, guess what, he died for you!”

“They looked into my eyes and of course could not see beyond the hidden smile I was putting on, the front that I put on for them. I spilt my soul into artistical pieces, poems written with my blood, I hoped it was enough for them, it was enough for her. Do they love me yet? Does she love me yet?” 

“No.”

“You know what, I’ll go harder than before for God, in fact I’ll write till I collapse, all I wanted was acceptance, my latest lesson is that I’ll never feel your aproval, anyone’s till I accept my own. Have they been in pain like me, been insane like me? To not become a product of this environment i need to cry and vent I’m done building up this wall, acting like everything’s all good but in reality I’m searching for something. Eyes closed I can zone out till 5 or so in the morning, I’m used to being alone with everyone around me. Man you know how long I’ve been out on my own, chasing dreams, fantasies of a throne? Today I woke up and saw that it didn’t exist all along and I felt suicidal. I’ve been writing verses that people consider brilliant, boosting my ego with every comment that I hear. And still then, I’ve not found solace, so what’s the point? Worrying about if they would understand. When it boils down to a life needed to be loved by a person in too deep with drugs. Nikki, Mari Anna and they all thought those were old flames. They were my addictions! But now, they’ll always be my stars.”

“My brother your trauma is deep, don’t bury it you should weep, and clean it out of your system and truly forgive them. Just my opinion, only then can you find peace.

For all my starryaddicts out there wondering how far you can fly, the truth is that you can go further than the stars and the sky, but if you really want to then you ought to know why. Are you running from something with hopes of becoming someone that’s finally worthy of love? Let me tell you now, you’re worthy of love. Screw approval from strangers, that’s dangerous as hell. Find God, learn to accept yourself and I’m gone, accept Him.

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